Years ago, someone at Royals Review put together a hilarious list* of anagrams of the Royals’ 40-man roster, yielding such classics as “Lo, Danger Ox!” and “Crime Horse.”. (Alex Gordon and Eric Hosmer, respectively.) The roster is so different now, so it’s time for some updated anagrams from Wordsmith.org.
*which I can’t seem to find tonight. Help?
Noel Arguelles = Allele Surgeon. He’s really into genetic tinkering.
Bruce Chen = Bee Crunch. I can’t even make a joke. BEE. CRUNCH.
Maikel Cleto = Lace Mole Kit. I saw one of those at Hobby Lobby last week.
Louis Coleman = Email Uncool. Seriously, we only Kik and Snapchat now. Jeez.
Aaron Crow = Racoon War. Sounds scary.
Wade Davis = Awed Divas. Not sure how his wife feels about those.
Chris Dwyer = Screw Dry Hi. Yeah, screw it. Whatever it is.
Jeremy Guthrie = Jeer Hermit Guy. Ha ha, lookit hermit guy up there in his cabin!
Kelvin Herrera = Ankle Her River. That sounds dirty.
Luke Hochevar = Ache Over Hulk. That one song makes us all feel that way.
Greg Holland = All Herd Gong. It was loud and also a homophone.
Donnie Joseph = Joined Hen Ops. It’s a combat video game played in chicken coops. Wanna join too?
Justin Marks = Risks Nut Jams. …by not wearing a cup?
Luis Mendoza = No Mud Lazies
Felipe Paulino = Painful Pee Oil
Ervin Santana = Sent A Nirvana, and on the opposite end of the evilness spectrum, Satan Rave Inn
James Shields = She Slides Jam
Everett Teaford = Feet Rot, Averted. Must have used Tough Actin’ Tinactin.
Brett Hayes = Hey, Batters!
George Kottaras = Reggae Ark Toots
Adam Moore = Mama Rodeo
Salvador Perez = Dare Zaps Lover
Alcides Escobar = Accessible Road
Irving Falu = Rival Fungi. These two mushrooms HATE each other.
Johnny Giavotella = Vaginal Honey Jolt
Eric Hosmer = there’s no way to top Crime Horse. Letting a classic stand here.
Elliot Johnson = Hones Loin Jolt
Mike Moustakas = Oak Ska Tummies
Edinson Rincon = Condor Ninnies
Miguel Tejada = Idea: Metal Jug. It’s gonna make a million dollars!
Lorenzo Cain = Zanier Colon. Someone get this man some Pepto!
Alex Gordon = again, not gonna top the classic “Lo, Danger Ox!” Fans of Settlers of Catan might like “Ex Long Road,” but if you play against me, my road will be longer, because I like to win Longest Road.
David Lough = Valid Dough. What he’s making now that he’s been in the Majors a while.
Justin Maxwell = Nix Jaw Mullets.
Billy Butler = Liberty Bull
NO (good) ANAGRAMS FOUND FOR: Danny Duffy, John Lamb, Will Smith, Chris Getz, Jarrod Dyson, Tim Collins