I’m generally the awkwardest person in whatever room I occupy. I like to think of it as kind of a public service — I do/say really awkward things, so nobody else has to worry about being the most awkward person around. How nice of me, right?
Like the time we were on our way to the FOCUS national conference, and our bus (one of five traveling together) got out of a rest stop before the rest of them were ready to leave. So the driver goes to the on-ramp to get back on whatever 5 a.m. quiet Interstate we were on before we stopped, but then he decided to wait up for the other buses. He pulls over on to the (soft!) shoulder. In sheer terror, I say “Holy shit!” Of course, the word “shit” fell into that natural lull in everyone else’s conversation where everything falls perfectly silent. So there I am, on a bus headed to a church conference, and I’ve just shattered the silence with “Holy shit!” So I covered my tracks with a brilliant “…I mean, wow.”
And then there was the time I jumped off a dugout in front of over 6,000 people and sprained my ankle. The point is, I’m notoriously awkward. But Hunter Pence has now totally out-awkwarded me.
Pence and a friend were about to take a dip in a hot tub outside of the house, and unbeknownst to Pence, his friend had closed the door behind them. Pence got out of the tub to use the restroom and walked into the door, which shattered around him.
Given that Pence used the word “silly” to describe the incident, I’m guessing he was terribly drunk at the time. But how drunk do you have to be to do that?
That said, I love stupid sports injuries. It’s not that I ever rejoice in someone else’s suffering, but I know from experience that stupid injury stories are much better ice breakers than normal ones. “I broke my nose on a floor once” is a much more interesting anecdote than “I fell at the hockey rink and tore my labrum.”
Similarly, “Joel Zumaya was put on the DL once because he played too much Guitar Hero*” or “Hunter Pence will be late to Spring Break because he walked through a glass door” are much more interesting than “Ryan Shealy ran wrong and tore his hamstring.”
*I can relate to that, I guess. See, I’m the last college student in the known universe to have played Guitar Hero. But on Saturday, my roommate randomly brought in a PS2 and the game, so I gave it a shot. I have not played before because I have a crazy allegiance to Nintendo, and because I have always known that once I started playing a game like that, I wouldn’t want to stop. I have enough things I have to do (full time student, several jobs), and a lot of things I like to do (an actual guitar, my computer, this blog), so I don’t need the added distraction of Guitar Hero. Sure enough, a few songs turned into a few hours, and I had somehow developed blisters on my fretting fingers. Blisters. From a video game. Oh, what a sad life.
Anyway, the big point here is that Hunter Pence is awkward. Go read the story about him, get a cheap laugh in, and have a lovely day!
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